IT IS TIME. Today, I felt the need to write a blogpost. I don't consider myself a "blogger", and previously wrote to keep people updated during my time with YWAM, since I was traveling so much.
It has been two years since I wrote about my life and what God was doing. The last time was when He encouraged me to start dreaming again... to bring to life the things He placed in my heart to do; and also to recognize that He believed in them too! He didn't just create us to do specific things and leave us alone to figure it out on our own... No, He created us to do these things WITH Him. Beautiful :)
I say all these things, but it took me a LONG time for the truth to get from my head to my heart. (And is still happening)
So what in the world has Violet been doing the last two years?? Would love to share... Gosh. Where to start. When God encouraged me to start dreaming again, and said it was time for my dreams and His dreams to collide- He also said to pick a place to live and He would bless it.
If you know me, you wouldn't be surprised I wanted to live by the beach :) but that didn't seem right for the season. I remember sitting on my parent's porch fresh out of YWAM, making a list of possible places I wanted to live... I even started by dreaming of places outside of the states-possibly an island where I could be barefoot and free, and start my new life with the community that lived there. There was something in my heart that longed for a life by the sea, getting married, living in a beach-tree house with a baby on my hip. Haha... but I felt God say this season is best in the states ;) maybeee one day.
To make a long story short, Nashville was chosen for many reasons that seemed to fit the season. I ended up moving there several months later, and beginning a journey that God knew I needed.
The first year of moving here was not always easy, especially getting used to "normal life" after working in an organized ministry for almost five years. But at the end of the year, I remember God showing me all that He did in my heart- how He laid a foundation of His love for me in every area of my life. You see, while in YWAM my relationship with God grew more than ever before... I knew there was more to life and God than what I knew and was so hungry for it. I didn't have the words for what I was hungry for, but I KNEW THERE WAS MORE and was desperate for it. And then God met my hunger- and I discovered His love for me more than ever before. It changed my life. And while reflecting on my first year living in Nashville, God showed me that I needed to walk out all the things He taught me while in YWAM. And I began to see how I was pushed to trust and truly believe in the truths that He taught me- and they all included how He is a good, faithful, and loving Father and provides for our every need- wherever He calls us (EVEN when it is a "normal" life). He is really good.
And when I reflected with Him about my first year, He said- "How can you receive all the good things I have for you if you don't believe in my goodness as your Father? That's why I had to lay a foundation of my love for you." And I realized through the rough first year (and all the times I questioned and doubted Him), I was able to see how He started to cement those truths into my heart. WHY DO I DOUBT HIS GOODNESS.
My second year started off beautifully... full of hope and promise. Full of God encouraging me to start pursuing the dreams He placed in my heart. I even switched jobs with God's direction so that my time would open up to pursue those areas. And so I did. I let creativity flow! I started to do anything I enjoyed that allowed the creative side of me to come back to life. I started painting more, making jewelry, decorating, but most importantly-I started embracing my dreams with music. With God's encouragement, I jumped in not knowing where it would go. I just knew I HAD to start.
Looking back to my second year, I see God's intentionality in my life-He allowed different circumstances to happen that spoke deeply to the dreams in my heart. And during those circumstances would continue to say, "See, I am so intentional in your life, Violet! I see your heart and I see your dreams and desires. Keep walking. Keep going- I am for you." During these circumstances, He challenged me to dream deeper with Him than I ever have before. And because they spoke so deeply to my heart, it also uncovered two lies I had to work through....
1) Are you really THAT good? (My question to God about Him realllly meeting my heart's deepest dreams...because it is realllly hard to dream deeper with God if you don't believe He will meet them... so why risk being disappointed?? You can see why that was a big one and why it needed to go.
2) Am I really enough? (Fill in the blank with the insecurities about myself).
Those two lies almost wiped me out. As soon as I started walking in what I felt God created me to do, I started to face a lot of warfare. You name it- discouragement, hope-deferred, comparison (ewww), doubt... etc. Gross. There was a point where I was ready to quit. To go home, and forget the dreams in my heart. What the hell was I thinking? At times I felt I was mocking myself... "so you moved to Nashville to pursue your dreams, huh? And you are working at a coffee shop and almost thirty years old. You are awesome. Maybe you should get a real job and forget it.... everyone else is better than you in music anyway." And I slowly stopped pursuing the things God was encouraging me to do.
But THANK GOD I didn't quit. I pressed into His heart.
Hope this doesn't sound too dramatic-but guys... lets BE REAL. Following God isn't always roses. Sometimes we have a battle to fight.
After that, I decided to take a break to let my heart rest. And I will admit that it is harder than I thought to start again... but lately, I have felt God encourage me that it is time. Time to dive into the season again, and I agree wholeheartedly! I have felt so dry lately- and when I asked Him why, He said that it is from not pursuing the things that He is calling me to. Makes a lot of sense- because our hearts become disconnected from believing in our purpose and having faith when we aren't walking in what He is calling us to do.
And today I was inspired to write this blog because I felt my heart flood with hope from simply embracing what I feel God is saying- and stepping into it again. All I did was say yes, I am going to believe again and start today-then picked up my guitar and started to sing (and they were just simple worship songs). And can see how simple obedience and faith can shift the atmosphere in our hearts and lives.
Thankful today. And going to embrace who God says I am. I am a life-giver. An atmosphere shifter. I am a dreamer, and a fighter for people's heart's. Created to create, and bring beauty into the world. I have a purpose, and a God who is all about it.
I don't know what God's plans are in this area of my life, and don't wish to be a Taylor Swift. All I know is that I want to create music that changes people's lives in the simplest, and in the most beautiful of ways.. and am going to keep my eyes on Jesus and keep walking.
Thanks for reading this vulnerable post. xxoo
Violetta
