Alright. this is a bit on the vulnerable side. Of a hard situation that stretched me, grew me, and pushed me to trust God's heart even when I don't understand.
Have you ever been in a situation that you felt God ask you to continue walking in, and it brings pain? Or it brings disappointment because it looked different than you thought? This past week a situation brought unexpected hurt that caused me to be angry at God... and it took me a few days to be able to start processing it with Him because my heart felt confused, and a little jaded… and I knew I was having a hard time trusting Him. I knew in my head that God was trustworthy, yet my heart was believing something different. There was a point in my process where I knew that if I let it simmer in my heart it would bring bitterness, and get in the way of my intimacy with the Lord. I know hard things happen. I know that walking with Him isn't always easy. I know that there can be spiritual warfare. And I know we are called to lay down our lives. But this situation was an area I already had a hard time trusting Him with, so when it turned out different the sting was deeper. Then I started thinking about my calling... and how I know the Lord is calling me to people's hearts. To help them overcome lies and hindrances that are in the way of them knowing God's deep love and their value. Helping them connect their head knowledge of who God is to the deepest places of their hearts. And I realized that the enemy would LOVE to use this situation against my calling... and if I let this come between my relationship with the Lord, it would DIRECTLY affect the calling He has over my life. WOW. It quickly caused me to go deep with Him and talk out the pain... to talk to Him about how it affected me and to let Him give me perspective... and let my heart release forgiveness (even though my HEAD knew He didn't do anything wrong... I knew my heart needed to go there). I needed to release my control of having to understand everything. To surrender that His ways are higher than mine, and His thoughts higher than mine. I went on a run that day and started to speak out loud to any lies that were trying to come between the Lord and I, breaking off anything the enemy was trying to plant in my heart. Sometimes we have TO FIGHT to keep our hearts healthy. And you know what is so wonderful? He is so kind as we process these kinds of situations out with Him. He wants us to be honest with Him so we can get to the root of what is happening in our hearts, instead of pushing our feelings under the rug and it staying for years.
I know I am talking a lot on this... but it is SO important that we take these areas to the Lord or it can become a wall between our relationship with Him. I would love to challenge you to ask Him if there are any seeds of bitterness, hurt, anger, or unforgiveness that may be in the way of your relationship with Him? Just take some quiet moments and let Him speak to you.
In this process with Him, I was reminded of His kindness. He wasn't angry with me as I was honest with Him... you know what He said that brought tears to my eyes? He said, "Violet, can I have your heart back? Come back to my heart". What in the world?? His kindness brings us to repentance. I know this may sound dramatic to some people, but I know that when I have something like bitterness or unforgiveness in my heart... even when it's just a little, it effects every aspect of my life. So even if this encourages just one person, I will be thankful.
At the end of the day, He doesn't owe us anything....yet He continually loves and loves and loves... and I am forever grateful I am His. I have come to a place where there is no turning back- no matter what, I am committed to this beautiful God.
Even still, I will trust You.
Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths
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